Heads up that Two Tip Tuesday is going on hiatus for the next few weeks while my husband and I go to Burning Man, a festival in Nevada. In fact, today's second tip explains why I think Burning Man is one of the best things to ever happen to my kids...and they don't even go!
Let's dive in...
1. Should you Demand Eye Contact from Your Son?
Last week, an anonymous mom shared some huge struggles she's having with her son in the "Moms of Strong Willed Boys," Facebook group...join the conversation HERE.
A great dialogue unfolded and I wanted to share one of my responses to an anonymous mom who said that she "tries to get her son to look at her and get down to his level and he hates it when I do that so he pulls away. Doesn’t work."
In not so many words, I said: "Don't demand eye contact." Here's what I wrote:
Demanding eye contact from a boy is very risky. Our primal ancestors (and many animals today) used eye contact to intimidate the enemy. Boys may see eye contact as threatening, which puts them in a state of fight/flight. They may also avoid eye contact when they feel deep shame, which will also put them in a highly stressed state of fight/flight. I know eye contact is a sign of respect in our society, but when we're teaching it to boys, we need to teach it carefully."
I hope this gives you something to think about!
2. Why Burning Man is Good for My Kids
If you're not familiar with Burning Man, you'll have to look it up, but it's not the specific event that I think is good for them. It's so much more.
Here's a short list:
They Get Time With Other Adults: We never had a nanny, but my kids can't remember a time they didn't have a babysitter for at least 5 days while we went to Burning Man. It was good for them! Still is! If it's not grandparents, we pay babysitters. We even hired their teacher one year. We weren't rich, but we saved hard for it, and I believe my kids are well-adjusted as a result.
We Get Time Without Them: It's not time alone we value. We can do that anywhere. It's time alone off the grid in a challenging environment where we have to meet our basic needs for shelter, food, water, sun protection, and dust protection. For the entire week, we take care of ourselves and each other's basic physical needs, and we focus on our connection. It's sacred...and really good for our kids - believe me!
They see Us Committed to a Hobby: Preparing for Burning Man is a year-round event. They see us prep costumes, attend planning meetings, obsess over the art, and make big decisions. Whether the parent is partnered or single, I think it's healthy for kids to watch their parent commit to a hobby outside of parenting.
They Learn the Values Associated with the Event: Burning Man goers subscribe to "10 Principles + Consent" when they attend the event. Things like "Radical Inclusion," "Leave No Trace" and "Civic Responsibility" to name a few. Our kids know these well because we reference them all the time when we talk about our trip. This gives us a context to teach these values at home...and live by them!
I'm not suggesting you go to Burning Man!!
I'm suggesting that you take time to consider HOW YOU might create a context to teach your values by having a meaningful adult hobby that gives you and your kids healthy time away from each other AND supports your soul (and marriage if you have one).
❤️ Rachel
P.S. Don't forget! You can pick up "How to do a Back to School Family Reset," for just $7 by clicking: RIGHT HERE. You'll see a photo diary of my family reset meeting from this year, the final routines, rules, chore list, breakfast plan, and lunch plan. Plus you'll learn several ways to leverage a good old whiteboard to make a more functional (and fun!) family life.
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