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Writer's pictureRachel Sklar

Two Tip Tuesday #20: Tired of Attention-Seeking Behavior? Try This Perspective Shift

1.  When Kids Misbehave for Attention, Try This


Clients frequently tell me that their kids act out due to attention-seeking behavior. Today I want to challenge that assumption.


I used to think the same thing about my kids too, but at some point, I asked myself:  


"What if it's not for attention, but for connection? And is there even a difference?"


To answer the question, I started tuning in and seeing if I could distinguish which was which. I trained myself to switch from saying, "Oh, he's doing that for attention" to "Oh, he's doing that for connection."


And then I watched to see how differently the scene unfolded.


Knowing when my son is looking for attention (because he's bored) vs. looking for connection (because he feels untethered) helps me respond to his actual needs.


Do you know the difference between attention and connection?  If not, it's time to tune in. 


Giving a child attention when he's seeking connection will drain you and leave him begging for more; whereas connecting deeply with your child will fill your bucket and his...even if it's really quick.


Today's tip is to notice that there's a difference and ask yourself, "What can I do about it?"


In next week's Two Tip Tuesday post, I'll give you a practical tip for what you can do about it. 



The image shows a boy throwing stones at a dog, with a thought bubble: "He's just doing it for attention," where "attention" is crossed out and replaced with "connection."

2.  Podcast Reco: Marriage, Motherhood, and Boys


I was honored to be a featured guest on Michelle Purta's Marriage and Motherhood podcast last week. My episode is called "The Boy Mom Method: Your Guide to Raising Boys."  


Here are the show notes so you can decide if it's a fit for you. 


How can we raise boys who are kind, calm, and emotionally intelligent in today's world?


In this episode of the podcast, I am joined by parent coach, Rachel Sklar who shares invaluable insights and strategies for nurturing boys' emotional intelligence and connection.


Rachel, a mother of three, delves into the differences in raising boys and the importance of customizing parenting techniques. Join us for this essential guide to fostering healthier, emotionally intelligent relationships with our sons.


02:13 Challenges and Realizations in Parenting Boys

04:04 The Shift in Parenting Approach

05:01 The Impact of Societal Messages on Boys

06:49 Understanding and Addressing Behavioral Issues

15:42 The Importance of Compassion and Patience

19:10 Effective Communication and Collaboration

28:37 Teaching Problem-Solving to Children

29:18 Effective Use of Scripts in Parenting

30:32 The Importance of Timing in Parenting

33:26 Understanding Children's Intentions

35:13 Addressing Power Dynamics Among Siblings

37:53 Connecting with Boys Through Shared Hobbies


Jump to the section you need most wherever you get your podcasts (click here to jump in) 



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