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Writer's pictureRachel Sklar

Two Tip Tuesday #21: Stop Guessing! A Tip for Handling Attention Seeking Behavior

Today I'm sharing the second part of a tip I gave you last week on "attention seeking" vs. "connection seeking" behavior.



And our second pro tip will help you survive Halloween without feeling scared out of your mind about all the candy! Let's do it...


1.  Attention vs. Connection - Teach them the difference. 


Last week, Tip #1 was to reflect on the difference between attention-seeking vs. connection-seeking behavior. I argued that knowing the difference can change the way you respond.


This week, I'm sharing what I did as soon as I realized there was a difference between attention and connection.


I taught my kids the difference.


Then I taught them how to ask for which one they needed...with their words. I taught them to say: 


"Mom, I'm feeling disconnected. Can we connect?"


Or,


"Mom, will you pay attention to me?"  


Here's the important part.  When they asked for connection, I dropped everything and made sure they felt it. But when they asked for attention, I was honest about what I could give.


It's one of the best things I ever did as a parent because they learned that even if I can't give them attention, our connection is always top priority. They also learned that connection is a feeling they get, not an activity that takes a lot of time.


We'd be living in a different world if all kids learned to recognize when a deep feeling of disconnection was a problem they could solve with words. 


A young boy holds up a calendar decorated with various candy pieces attached to each date, creating a fun candy countdown or reward calendar. In the background, a pumpkin sits on the kitchen counter, adding a seasonal touch.

2.  Manage the Candy - Create a System of Moderation


Halloween isn't just scary for kids. It's scary for parents faced with a ginormous bag of candy in their house. Here are two ways I taught my kids to moderate their candy intake without a fight.  

 

  • First, I made a big paper calendar and let them tape a piece of candy to each day of November. That was their daily ration. I loved seeing them tape bigger pieces to weekends. 


  • Second, I told them to set up a candy store. Then I bought the rest of their candy from them.


    • .10 cents for small pieces,

    • .25 cents for medium pieces

    •  ONE WHOLE DOLLAR for full-size candy bars!


It was worth every penny. 

 

If those ideas don't align with your candy values, it doesn't matter.


The point is: Don't let power struggles over candy spoil Halloween.


Create a fun system that everyone can get on board with. You won't regret it.


Happy Halloween! 


❤️ Rachel


P.S. Check out this video about how to fight screen time battles more peacefully (and fairly) with your child.

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