Masking vs. Adapting & Screen Time Tips That Actually Works (Two Tip Tuesday #27)

During this week's Boy Mom Academy meeting, almost everyone shared their frustration about summer screen use. It's a great time to pause and check in as a family about how things are going. (See Tip #2 below for more on that.)

But first, I want to build on last week's theme, when we talked about helping kids "read a room." This time, we're looking at it through the lens of neurodivergence and masking. Here are two power tips to transform your summer parenting:

Masking and Adapting

Tip #1: Masking vs. Adapting: Know the Difference

The term masking has gained traction in the neurodivergent parenting world, and for good reason. Today, I want to help you recognize the difference between masking and adapting.

Masking is when a child hides or suppresses their natural self-expression or mimics social norms in order to avoid rejection, judgment, or punishment. It's often driven by fear and can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and disconnection from one's sense of self. Over time, this can result in what many call autistic burnout or emotional fatigue.

Adapting, on the other hand, is about growth and opportunity. It's how people adjust to new environments while staying true to who they are. Adaptation can be a form of self-expression, an experiment with identity that builds resilience and self-awareness.

Why the Difference Matters:

• Adapting helps kids build skills and confidence

• Masking can drain energy and erode self-worth

So, which one sounds more like your child?

If you want to support your child's ability to adapt (not mask), start by teaching them these terms and helping them notice their own patterns. And be sure to:

Validate their struggle - don't minimize it.

Talk about self-acceptance - and remember, that starts with you fully accepting them, as they are and as they're not.

Role-model and role-play adapting - share what works for you when you're a chameleon in some spaces and a spotted zebra in others.

Let's build self-awareness in ourselves and our kids by talking openly about this important distinction.

Tip #2: Need a "Rules Reset" on Summer Screens?

If you're feeling like summer screen time has gotten out of control, you're not alone. Most parents are struggling with this right now, and here's why the typical approach isn't working:

Most parents make these 3 mistakes:

• They try to be 100% consistent, but life happens

• They focus on taking away instead of adding interesting alternatives

• They lecture instead of collaborate with their kids

  
  

The result? Daily battles, kids who work around the rules, and parents who feel like the "screen police."

Here's a better approach: Instead of more restrictions, try a 4-step framework that reduces screen time without constant fights:

Step 1: Start with a family check-in. Ask questions like: "How do you feel after long screen sessions?" and "What would make our summer days feel more balanced?"

Step 2: Build from their insights, not your frustrations. When kids feel heard, they're more likely to engage in solutions.

Step 3: Focus on adding engaging alternatives rather than just removing screens. What would they actually want to do instead?

Step 4: Create flexible boundaries that your whole family can live with, not rigid rules that break at the first real-world challenge.

This framework helps your child develop self-awareness about their own habits while creating space for the social and emotional benefits that summer has to offer. You don't have to be perfect or eliminate screens completely.

Your Next Step

Pick the tip that feels most urgent for your family right now:

For Tip #1: Start observing your child in different social situations. Notice when they seem energized by adapting versus when they seem drained by masking. Then talk about what you notice together.

For Tip #2: Begin with that family check-in about screens. Ask open-ended questions and really listen to their responses before jumping to solutions.

Both of these strategies work because they're not about controlling your child's behavior. They're about building awareness and offering support that helps them understand themselves better.

Looking for more practical parenting strategies that actually work with real family life? Join other parents who are finding solutions that fit their busy schedules.