Do you take it personally when your child says, "I hate you!"
Or tells you you're the worst parent ever?
Or in my case, "You call yourself a parent coach, right?"
The thing is when we take those things personally, we give away all of our power.
Because the truth is it's not about you.
When your child says nasty things to you, it is not about you.
Your child is saying "I hate you" as a way to communicate that they're angry - as a way to say to you, "I don't like what you're doing. You're setting a boundary with me and it's pissing me off. And now I'm going to say something mean to you, but it's not personal to you."
It's personal to them. It's personal to how they're feeling.
I have so many clients that I've talked to who just can't seem to hear their children say nasty things to them without internalizing it and making it really about themselves. And with those clients, I ask this question, "When in your past, when in your childhood, when in your life did people say things like that to you and it shattered your ego or it destroyed your experience of confidence?" Unpack that.
Because the truth is when people talk unkindly to others, it's usually because they're unhappy, they feel bad, or something is going on with them and they don't have the communication skills to say what they want to say and repair the relationship.
So the next time your child says something nasty to you and you catch yourself taking it to heart and really taking it personally, I want you to take a deep breath and say, "I'm a sturdy parent. I have a point of view that is spot on about setting boundaries and I'm here to care for my child."
So don't take it personally. It's not about you.