Parent Coaching for Autism: Supporting Neurodiverse Families - Where does ABA fit in?

If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, especially one with autism or ADHD traits, you know better than anyone how challengin it can be.  

After receiving a diagnosis, you may have been referred to therapy, ABA, or a long list of specialists. But did you get a referral for you, the parent?In my mind, support for parents walking through this minefield doesn’t come often enough. 

But parent coaching for autism is available to you. It’s not therapy. It’s not behavior training. And it’s definitely not ABA. Let’s explore what it is and how it can help.

What Parent Coaching Is (and Isn’t)

My approach to coaching parents of kids with autism:

• I focus first on the relationship and feelings of safety and connection, and then on compliance, which comes more easily when the child feels safe.

• I focus less on the behavior itself and more on the needs driving the behavior. My goal is to extinguish the negative behavior by addressing the underlying cause of it, if possible. 

• I focus on flexibility. I partner with you to develop what actually works in your home and for your child. My model is not rigid and doesn’t rely on systems of rewards and consequences unless they are proven to work for a particular child in the short and long-term.

Parent coaching helps you lead with confidence, create a better relationship with your child, and raise them in an environment that uses their strengths and their individuality. Parent coaching helps you focus on the the relationship first, not the checklist of expectations society gives you. 

How Does ABA Fit into Parent Coaching for Autism? 

When I first meet with a client who is navigating an autism diagnosis for their child (at any stage), I always want to know what interventions and services they’ve tried or are considering. Often ABA comes up.   

I have clients whose children have been through ABA and it didn’t work out. I have clients whose kids are currently in ABA therapy, and I have clients who are considering it. 

I know it’s controversial and that every ABA therapist is different. My job isn’t to judge the treatment plan or convince someone which interventions to use. My job as a parent coach for autism is to help you figure out what works and doesn’t work for your child, whether that’s the types of professional interventions or the strategies you’re using at home.   

Who I Work With

My clients are on a spectrum! I have clients whose kids have no diagnosis at all, but I also work with parents of:  

• Children with autism and ADHD combined (AuADHD)

• Kids with mild to moderate support needs

• Children who are verbal and communicative in their own way (even if communication isn’t always easy)

• Families who want to move away from reward charts, rigid consequences, or the pressure to "normalize" their child

My approach is not a fit for families needing a high-level support for children who are non-speaking, have significant developmental delays, or require intensive interventions. That kind of care often needs a multidisciplinary team with different training.

But if you're raising a child with a sharp mind, sensitive nervous system, big feelings, and a unique way of seeing the world, I’d love to support you.

What Makes My Approach Different

My coaching is grounded in The Boy Mom Method, which (surprisingly) isn’t just for boys. It’s a relationship-based, customizable framework built around your child’s wiring, not around fixing them.

Many of the families I work with have been told their child is “high-functioning,” but they still face major meltdowns, school struggles, or emotional dysregulation at home. They’ve tried all the advice, and they still feel stuck.

That’s where we begin.

We work together to:

• Figure out what’s really going on underneath the behavior

• Adjust your parenting style to your child’s specific needs

• Build trust and connection, especially when things have felt strained or chaotic

• Remove self-doubt so you feel grounded in your choices

• Create systems and routines that help your family function smoothly

• Help you and your partner get on the same page about what works

This Work Is for Parents Too

If you’re one of those parents who thinks, “I love my kid, but I don’t always like him,” this could be a great fit for you. So many parents of neurodivergent kids carry guilt, frustration, and deep loneliness. 

I work with moms (and sometimes dads) who are at their wits’ end. They feel stretched thin, completely drained, and confused.

Coaching is your space to:

• Get nonjudgmental support

• Develop strategies unique to your family

• Have a professional partner to help you plan your next move

What’s Your Goal for Your Family? 

If you think success is about how “well-behaved” your child is, it might be time to rethink your goals. 

For me, success is when your child feels seen, safe, and accepted. Success happens when breakdowns lead to insights that strengthen your relationship with your child. 

Success happens when you walk away feeling confident despite the “bad behavior” and your child becomes regulated - not because you demanded it, but because you made space for it. 

FAQs

Q: Are you an autism specialist or ABA therapist?No. I’m a PCI certified parent coach and social worker, not an ABA provider or clinical autism specialist. My expertise is in relationship-based parent coaching and I support a lot of families navigating autism, ADHD, sensory challenges, and emotional intensity.

Q: Is this a good fit for non-speaking children or kids with high support needs?My coaching is best for families whose children are verbal or semi-verbal, have mild to moderate support needs, and are struggling with emotional regulation, behavior, or connection. I’m happy to refer out if a different kind of support would serve your child better.

Q: How does this compare to ABA?

ABA focuses on behavior modification using rewards and consequences. I focus on helping parents understand their child’s nervous system, emotional world, and needs. Instead of teaching traditional behavior management strategies, I teach (what I call) “Connection Management,” which is something all children benefit from.