Two Tip Tuesday #23: When your child can't take NO for an answer

I’ve got a tip for you from our Boy Mom Academy drop-in coaching session and a reminder to join our meeting for Moms of ADHD(ish?) Boys. 

1.  Kids That Can't Take No For an Answer - Teach them to "Handle the No"

Can your kid take "No" for an answer?

It’s hard. Kids fall apart, argue, negotiate, explode, or retreat.

Still, every kid needs to learn how to "Handle The No."

How each child handles hearing "no" will vary. But handle it, they must.

So let's make it our business to help them (especially our boys) figure out a personal strategy for accepting "no" that works:

Step 1:

Say "no" in a way that's sturdy, trustworthy, calm, warm, and full of conviction. If your "no" is loosey goosey, it will be harder for them to handle it. Be solid. Be clear.

If your child has ADHD or ADHD-ish traits, this is even more important.  Why? Because handling no requires them to take your logic into account, and that's a tall order for kids who struggle with perspective-taking.

Also, they will hyper-focus on things that are both interesting and important to them, which is why they argue and negotiate without end. Be careful not to over-explain yourself, or things will go sideways fast. Just say something like: "No more TV tonight. It's late."

Step 2: 

When the pushback comes - and it will - say something like:

• I see you're still learning how to "handle the no." That’s okay. This isn’t one of those times where you can change my mind, but I'm happy to help you with your frustration, or you can handle it alone."

Step 3: 

Celebrate when your child "Handles the No" well. Say something like, "Thanks for handling the no so well. You're really growing up fast. It's fun to watch. [insert high five]" 

This is also about teaching consent - a life-long skill, which matters a lot when it comes to raising boys who can take no for an answer...the first time.

By the way, "conviction" and "consent" are words that come up all the time in The Boy Mom Academy. 

Many parents join the Academy feeling like they’re winging it, and leave feeling clear, sturdy, and confident that their son can take no for an answer. This is just one example of how that shift begins.

UPDATE: Read my response to one mom who wanted to know what to do if it turns into an unsafe meltdown.

2.  Moms of ADHD(ish?) Boys - Don't Forget

If you're already signed up for tomorrow's discussion, I look forward to seeing you.

If you're not signed up, grab your spot: 

Wednesday, April 16 at 12pm PT

Click here to register

This is for moms raising boys who are intense, distractible, impulsive, sensitive, high-energy (or all of the above). If that's you, you’ll fit right in.

While it's too late to catch the movie, book, podcast, or article we'll be discussing, feel free to show up and soak in the community.

Zero judgment. You are 100% welcome.

❤️ Rachel

P.S. Did you miss the ADHD event but still want the juicy benefits? Contact me and I'll let you know how to get into the group.